Guerilla Cooking

When people find out I cook, they frequently ask, "What's your specialty? What do you like to cook at home?"

Generally, I respond to this question with a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face because I somehow know they want me to give them a very lofty/highbrow answer...
-"Well, you know that truffle mustard trend you keep hearing about? I started that."
-or: "Once a week, I import skate wing from the North Sea and prepare it in a light beurre noisette with rare root vegetables from East Africa"
-or: "Really, I'm a master sommelier and I simply create something that will enhance my vin du jour."

All of that sounds great, but it just ain't true for me.

I feel funny telling them that what I really like to do is to take the cheapest piece meat at the grocery store and try to make something fantastic out of it. And I just know they'll turn up their nose if I tell them that I've found that the mushrooms that are half-price now, because they look like they'll be rancid tomorrow, have the richest flavor when they are cooked. They'll probably just feel sorry for me if I tell them the only reason I'm any good at terrines is because I'm too frugal to throw those scary bits away. They'll laugh at my concept of "turbo ramen", or cheap noodles jazzed up with winning vegetable combinations. I learned how to make caramel not because I was inspired by some heady French confection, but because one day I had a killer sweet tooth, and the only thing my pantry held was butter and sugar...so, what the heck can you do with THAT??!! (Answer=caramel!)

So, I guess my specialty is Guerrilla Cooking. That's too rebellious a concept to impress anyone over the age of 22, but it HAS been useful and fulfilling. Some of this stuff is a tough sell. I mean, really... "Let me show you what I can do with a pound of chicken livers and some cheap brandy" has a limited customer base.

But Guerilla Cooking puts me at peace with any vegetable, any cut of meat, any fat, any lack of fat, and on and on and on. I think the best things happen when you are forced to make them happen for yourself with the resources you have at hand, however limited. It forces you to be creative. It forces you to use logic. It forces you to take chances. Guerilla Cooking has been my real-world education, never having had the opportunity to do a formal, long term curriculum at a culinary school. It's not fancy, but Lord! Is it ever fun!

So when people apologize to me for cramping my style with a restrictive diet, I tell them I don't mind. I don't. I enjoy the challenge. And I'm quite certain that the magic of food will continue to let us make something out of virtually nothing if we keep trying.

Please Don't Eat the Sunblock

If you look through the annals of political history, starvation usually accompanies revolution. Basically, it has to get pretty bad on a very personal level for the masses before they will band together in an uprising to make a change. I remember learning in school that Marie Antoinette's (in)famous quip was illustrative of her total lack of understanding that the regular folk were starving to death...they didn't even have a crust of bread. Hence, "let them eat cake" endures in the jaw-dropping, I-can't-even-believe-you-just-said-that category.

In many ways, we are starving right here in modern America. I am not talking about the growing number of American poor, which is a serious issue. I am talking about our entire American society, on every class level. We are starving because we are not eating real food often enough.

Sure, you may watch the Food Network and love to dine in fine restaurants when you have the opportunity. But I'll bet you've had a "Hot Pocket" or some such ready-to-nuke abomination. Maybe you even have a couple of them each week. I think that's a serious problem.

I had such a packaged frozen meal last night. Yes...I cook for a living, yes...I claim to absolutely abhor that commercial gar-bahge, but I had a moment of weakness and took a shortcut. I had limited time and needed to throw something down fast. So, for a night, I pretty much let my life be mockery of my values.

As I shamefully finished this totally unsatisfying excuse for a dinner, I read the box. My meal was complete with sodium erythorbate, hydrochloride, aluminum phosphate, maltodextrin, and...and...and titanium dioxide.

I ate this periodical chart because I felt like I had no time. Being starved for time is a huge problem that we all just kind of accept. Whether for work or family or sheer survival, we have all been made to run, non-stop. We feel like we sometimes just cannot carve out enough time and consequently take shortcuts with our meals. But that list of additives is something a real home cook or decent restaurant cook would NEVER put in their food. Isn't titanium dioxide non-water-soluble? Isn't it sunblock? That's like lapping up a nice spoonful of SPF 15. If eating sunblock isn't symptomatic of starvation, then I don't know what is.

I'm sure the food companies are not trying to harm us. They have to do things on a massive scale for national distribution. They have to make the product hold up on a shelf for a long time. They have to make things maintain an appetizing color. They are just trying to give us a convenient product that appeals to us.

But, oh! That salt, that sugar, that chemical (or possibly metallic) compound that these manufacturers use to expedite the product and allow it to appear fresher for a longer period of time builds up in our systems when we eat it every day. I am not a doctor but I have some instinct that eating chemicals instead of food has contributed to the mounting problem of nutrition-related health issues like obesity and diabetes.

If there is to be a revolution because we are starving for real food (as opposed to a chemical goulash), then this revolution will be in terms of TIME. Seize back your time, however you must, and get some real food into your life on a regular basis. And hold the sunblock on mine, please.

Note to Self (And Anyone Else Who Needs a Reminder)

I'm a little "exhausterated", or run-down, in common parlance. I just sort of expired yesterday after work. I have been quite busy, personally and professionally, since July and this past month was a REAL whirlwind. So I put myself to bed before 10pm last night and vowed to recapture a higher energy level.

Fortunately, I had a light workload today and am able to keep my word to myself. I'm still feeling a little beat, and I noticed that the scale has decided it wants to creep up just a bit from its regular number. So, I am taking it easy today and reminding myself, and anyone else who is of a like mind, some of the guidelines that I think help to keep us in "gran' champeen" (sic.... "grand champion") health.

Ahem...Please Note...I am NOT a doctor and I am NOT a nutritionist. I am a reasonably healthy person with an interest in good food and good living and adhering to these points makes me feel like I am doing something right. So I am really just prattling on and patting myself on the back for having figured it all out(yawn). Really, what do I know? Read this for your own amusement and then talk to someone smarter than I (like your MD) for real advice customized to your needs:

1. SLEEP: Nothing is better for your immune system or your complexion than quality, uninterrupted slumber. Take it from me, I am a recovering insomniac, and I know a thing or two about sleep deprivation. Figure out how many hours you need and be greedy about getting that much sleep, every night. My problem is I get lost in music or some project and then realize I've missed my bedtime when it's already too late.
2. DON'T EAT A LOT: Eat regularly...all 3 meals. Eat well...do not skimp on quality. But don't eat a lot. Gluttony shows up on your frame and eventually on your doctor bill. I really have to remind myself to take my own advice on this, especially as the seasons change and we spend more time indoors.
3. LISTEN TO THE WACKOS WITHOUT BECOMING ONE: In my early twenties I read every quasi-hippie-ish book on nutrition I could get my hands on. There are some way-out diets out there that you'd never want to follow to the letter, but many of them have important kernels of truth. I'm convinced that the acid/alkaline balance that the macrobiotic people talk about, does, in fact exist. I'm certain some foods encourage inflammation of your internal organs. Some people should probably avoid meat or at least make it an infrequent treat. Ditto glutenous grains. Ditto alcohol.
4. MANUFACTURED SUGAR MAKES YOU SICK AND UGLY: Fortunately, I don't have a health condition that forces me to read every label all the time, but I can tell a piece of junk when I see it, and I like to give it a wide berth (i.e. soda pop, candy, packaged convenience foods). Sugar makes you fat. Sugar contributes to illnesses. Sugar puffs you out, including the tissue in your face, making you look doughy. It will be a tedious and short-lived exercise to avoid it completely unless you are a diabetic or an especially iron-willed individual, but don't go looking for trouble.
5. ONE IS MEDICINE, TWO IS POISON: My father often repeats that phrase in regards to alcohol, and I'm sure he's right. There are some health benefits to moderate drinking, if you are able to do so, but moderate means MODERATE...as in, ONE. Maybe two if you are a 6'3" 200 pound man. You don't get better resveratrol levels in your system if you kill the whole bottle of shiraz. You just get more sugar. Please re-read Point No. 4 about the doughy, puffy look.
6. YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME FUN: Don't swear off dessert. But only have it once or twice a week. And make it a darn good one. Or have a half portion and eat so slowly that you think it's bigger. Don't ruin Thanksgiving by only picking at the green beans and insulting your grandmother who created this feast just for you. Don't be rude, just give in and eat. But freeze or give away the leftovers, don't keep feasting for 4 days straight.
7. MOVE IT OR LOSE IT: Move it or lose what, you ask? Well, lose your health, lose your flexibility, lose your properly-proportioned physique. I don't go to a gym. Yoga upsets me ("Quit telling me to breathe, you bossy guru-wannabe!"). But I walk everyday. Cooking is a somewhat physical endeavor (When I grate over a pound of cheese by hand, I get sore triceps! Really!) I try to hike every weekend. Could I be doing more? Sure. But I am doing stuff I can stick with every single day and not feel over-burdened by. I think that's the key...find something, anything that's not a burden on your life, even if it's not perfect, and do it regularly. And up the ante every once in a while. My lazy fanny is due for a more challenging hike this weekend.
8. STRESS IS THE ENEMY: Don't like your job? Quit! Worried about money? Don't live so fancy. OK...I am not great at controlling my own stress, I am a card-carrying natural worrier, but stress messes you up in more ways than you realize. You already know about the heart-disease connection, but stress also keeps you from losing weight (cortisol, the stress hormone makes your body hold onto fat), makes you crave more food, makes you crave junk food, and puts lines in your face. I have no medical training or evidence to bolster my point, but I'm personally convinced that excessive stress so messes up your insides it confuses your cells and contributes to cancer. Plus, it often makes people surly and inconsiderate. So maybe we should all quit our jobs and not live so fancy.

Oven-Baked Eggplant Parmesan

The eggplant and tomatoes were staring me down. I have been on the receiving end of a family member's CSA farmshare program and the eggplant and tomatoes just won't stop. Previously, I was on a caponata bender, but I just got bored making the same thing over and over. I was also tired from a long day, and not much in the mood for researching some more creative eggplant recipes, so I decided to do a variation on the classic Italian Eggplant Parmesan.

In the traditional Eggplant "Parm", thin slices of eggplant are treated to an egg wash and a coating of breadcrumbs before hitting a hot saute pan with oil. That sounded a like a spattery mess I'd be in no mood to clean up after dinner.

Well, they "oven-fry" chicken, don't they? So why couldn't I oven-bake Eggplant Parm?

Just like the original recipe, I dipped my thin eggplant slices in egg wash, but I included some dry, grated parmesan cheese in the crumbs to increase the likelihood of a crispy, golden crust. I put my breadcrumb cheese mixture in a big plastic bag and coated the eggplant slices in the bag. Ha! No dredging pan to wash! After my eggplant was nicely coated, I lightly oiled a baking sheet with canola oil, laid my slices down, brushed their tops gently with just a little more canola, covered the pan with aluminum foil and baked at 350 for 45 minutes.

They were coming along nicely this way, but at the 45 minute mark, I topped each eggplant slice with a little prosciutto and some fresh, grated mozzarella and baked uncovered for an additional 10 minutes. The prosciutto could certainly be omitted for a vegetarian-friendly recipe.

I know all that cheese may have canceled out some of the health benefits of not sauteing the eggplant in a puddle of oil, but I think the flavor was worth it. And I was not at all heavy-handed with the cheese...just a little bit made it attractive and flavorful.

I served this over spaghetti with homemade marinara sauce (from that endless supply of tomatoes) that I enhanced with some oven-roasted cherry tomatoes I had made last month and frozen. (Oven-roasted tomatoes are slow-cooked for flavor concentration...much like sun-dried tomatoes but way lighter).

It was a satisfying meal and so psychologically satisfying to wave goodbye to that last eggplant lurking in the vegetable drawer. The big bonus was that I didn't have to babysit a saute pan...got some other things accomplished while the oven did my work...AND it was an absolute cinch to clean up.

Oh, and mi esposo, who used to claim he DETESTED eggplant got a big, fat "Clean Plate Club" award tonight. You should try it, too. (It's easy, dahling) If you need more convincing, go online and learn how eggplant will kick the hindquarters of any free radical all the way down to the end of your block.

Childhood Favorites

While working today, head of broccoli in my hand, I mused that I actually really liked broccoli as a child. (Mom often dressed it in bernaise sauce which helped. C'mon...it was the 1970's...the lowfat craze hadn't started yet!!) Then I tried to remember the foodstuffs I loved and hated as a child. It was an entertaining mental journey, thinking about how I was the one kid on the block who couldn't get enough creamed spinach.

Here's what I loved:
-Goose Liver ("foie gras" to all you gourmets out there) in my lunchbox until all the other PB&J toting kids at school made fun of me. I have some friends whose Oma (grandmother) packed their lunch and know exactly what I'm talking about!
-Beef of all kinds: steak, brisket, and beef bourguignon.
-Vegetables cooked until soft: Creamed spinach, dilled zucchini, and glazed carrots were favorites.


Here's what I hated:
-Bread and buns: Starchy and flavorless, I thought
-Raw vegetables: While I could eat about 6 cups of cooked spinach, I would not touch a spinach salad with a 10 foot pole
-Toad-in-the-Hole: English sausages in a baked pudding. Oof. It still doesn't sound very appetizing to me.
-Milk: I was the only kid in town who hated milk. Never touched the stuff. But I ate cheese so my growth wasn't stunted.

I look at that list and think I quite literally could have been a poster child for the Atkins Diet, with my love of red meat, vegetables, and the occassional piece of fruit. I disliked most starches. I vividly remember pulling hamburgers off of the bun and leaving that doughy breadstuff for the rubbish bin.

What about you? What did you like and hate? I'd love to hear about it, especially if it deviates from the realm of chicken fingers and pizza pockets.