Did James Bond's Gadget Man, "Q", Stock Your Kitchen?

I admit it, I'm a Luddite. The Downies were the last family in America to get color TV when I was a wee lass, and the die was cast. I try to be progressive, but really, I think that we, as a people, can do a lot more with a lot less. (This from the woman who once pulled out her aging cell phone during the dawn of the i-pod and got a guffaw and the comment: "Is that one of those old steam-powered cell phones?!") But I stand fast and contine to hold the opinion that we can do more with less regarding our kitchen appointments as well.

While I hold a certain fondness for some ridiculous kitchen gadgets (it amuses me to think of British Royals using their sterling silver asparagus holders), I have little sympathy for the chump who spends his hard-earned dollar on others (a Salad Shooter? Really??!) The all-American entrepreneur/capitalist is always looking out for a new tool to sell the public, and we are only too eager to buy, however questionable its practicality.

Will kitchen gadgets make you a better cook? Make cooking easier for you? Maybe, but probably not. The mere act of cooking more often will make you a better cook AND will reveal shortcuts that ultimately make cooking easier for you.

And now I will tell you the biggest kitchen equipment secret out there. (And please note that this is absolute HERESY) You do not need top-of-the-line/restaurant-quality in every piece of equipment you own.

Don't bake all that often? Great. You don't need a stand mixer.
Don't prep for 15 every day? Terrific. Try one of the less-expensive food processors.
The only thing you use your range for is scrambled eggs? OK...Then why are you looking at the pro model with 20,000 BTU's?

I'm not trying to bring our economy to a screeching halt. You can still buy stuff for the kitchen. How about 3 really good knives? They cost a hundred bucks a pop because they stay sharp. Any Boy Scout leader and any good cook will tell you that a sharp knife is a safe knife...and way more pleasurable to work with. You can also buy a great cutting board. You'll get my seal of approval on a few decent pots and pans. They don't have to be the most expensive or prettiest ones in the store...just good, solid conductors of heat. Don't forget one good cast iron pan. It doubles as a grill and a bread-maker. Properly taken care of, it will outlive your grandchildren. It will be the best $35 you've ever spent at the hardware store (but you can go to a fancy cooking store for the ambience, if you'd like). If you want to spend some big bucks, a good gas range with a properly-vented hood is quite nice.

If you still want to buy more gadgets, you'll get my approval on a cheap food processor. You probably don't need the restaurant-grade Robot Coupe when the Sears version will last you 10-15 years for regular home cooking. Get a good grater or microplane and enjoy it. Splurge on an immersion blender and vow to do pureed soups all winter long. A double-mesh strainer helps make lovely sauces, if you take the time to do that. Dutch Ovens are expensive, but oh! What a lovely roast they make! I personally don't use slow-cookers very often but they are useful to many cooks I respect, so enjoy one if you are so inclined. I want to hate the fondue pot for its relative cost-to-use ratio, but if you have an annual fondue party, nothing works better. If you are trying to keep your husband home on the local watering hole's "wing night", do invest in a small deep fryer and make your Buffalo-style chicken wings. Foreman-style grills look contemptible, but they do make a decent panini. A mandoline can be handy. (But even so, a good cook with a good knife can do nearly as well.)

I can't quite see the logic in so many other things. I've already mentioned the salad shooter. I hate the mini-chopper. (The knive has already been invented.) No self-respecting artisanal baker owns a bread machine. Cake turntable. (I just turn the cake round by hand. Works every time). Egg Poacher. (You can poach an egg in almost any vessel that will receive heat)

I don't want to rain on your parade. I'd just rather see you spend your discretionary cash on a nice vacation rather than on a quasi-useless kitchen gadget. But DO keep cooking and take inspiration from your grandparents and great-grandparents...who turned out flaky strudel with a rolling pin on the dining room table...who made perfect Thanksgiving turkeys with the "wrong" kind of roaster...who peeled apples and vegetables with a good little paring knife and not a fancy ceramic peeler with the ergonomic handle color-coordinated to their granite countertops. *sigh*