An Extreme Waste of Time

It started as a joke between mi esposo and me. The Learning Channel's new progam, "Extreme Couponing" had caught our attention. The show documents thrifty shoppers, armed with itemized lists and binders full of savings coupons, racking up grocery totals in the thousands, then skating out of the store only having given up a few bucks.

"Honey, I want you to be an extreme couponer," he'd say, with a twinkle in his eye.
"Yeah, right. Go take a hike," was my typical response.

I have never been much into couponing. Having been self-employed for a goodly portion of my adult life, and having been in some other businesses in which I had to manage some very tight job budgets, I think I've gotten reasonably facile with intelligent purchasing habits. Add to the equation the fact that I use old-school French techniques when I cook at home (that is, nothing is to be wasted...EVER) and you wind up with a household whose members eat a sophisticated and nutritious diet for a surprisingly low cost.

This morning, as mi esposo was heading out the door for a cup of coffee, I asked if he wouldn't mind bringing me back a Sunday New York Times. 20 minutes later, he was back with the Times...and six other regional papers!

"Oh, Jeez," my heart sank when he came through the door, "is this for coupons?"
"Yep!" He just beamed at me cheerfully.

OK, fine. I'd try the coupon experiment to see how it went. Never mind that many of the "extreme couponers" on the television show are grossly overweight. Never mind that they buy (in bulk) a bevy of products so laden with chemicals that I would shun them as a deadly poison. Never mind that the stock of items they purchase on the show makes their storage rooms look like a crowded bodega. Never mind, never mind...I'm a good sport and I had to do some grocery shopping anyway. I'd give this couponing thing a whirl.

The first strike against couponing is that it is the big, factory-styled food manufacturers that typically issue coupons. I often prefer to go with smaller-name companies because they are often lower in unhealthy fillers and frequently less expensive than the big-brand counterpart, even WITH a coupon.

The second strike against couponing is that the system is designed to make people spend more, with big savings if you buy 2 or more. I have a small household, a small kitchen, and small storage cupboards. I don't want 2 or more.

The third strike against couponing is that it made me deviate from my menu plan for the week, in order to get these "savings". As I mentioned, I believe in the French no-waste system. Before I go to the store I look to see what I already have on hand and build my menu around that, so I use up what I have in a reasonable amount of time (even dry goods are perishable, people!) and buy fewer items at the store, i.e. there's no need to buy rice for a "dirty rice" meal if I already have half a bag of it at home.

But, never mind...I'm a good sport.

I jaunted off to the grocery store with my modified list and a stack of coupons in my pocket, willing to see what would happen.

Folks, I hated the whole experience:
-It took me longer to get through the store, fumbling through coupons.
-I bought larger quantities than I need because the brands with coupons seem to come in quasi-"supersize" packages.
-It made me forget a couple key items, again, because my focus was on those darned newspaper clippings in my pocket.
-It encouraged me to buy brands that are not my first choice.
-Finally, and this is the clincher, IT MADE ME GO OVER MY PLANNED BUDGET.

Yes, I had a nice double-digit "savings" listed at the end of my receipt, but this experience was not a celebration of life, living, and the artistry of food and cookery. This was an idiot's game of being mesmerized by the pretty pictures on the side of a box issued by a factory food processor and thinking that I was beating their hand. I didn't beat them. They beat me. I spent more money, for pete's sake! And I'm a little sore about it, too.

Sore as I am, I must use my cutting honesty to get in some harsher reasons to avoid the extreme coupon life. Mi esposo and I have both noticed that a good number of these extreme couponers on television are undeniably overweight. I guess if you've just bought 75 boxes of microwave popcorn for pennies on the dollar, there's not enough of a compelling argument to keep you from overeating the contents therein. Similarly, I bristle at anything that smacks of hoarding behavior, and a larder that looks like a convenience store sure looks like hoarding to me. I even feel like it's kind of morally wrong, as in, why should I have an abundance when someone else in my community may have none at all? It really is "an embarrassment of riches". I also wonder if these extreme couponers who have figured out all the angles in order to work couponing to within an inch of its life are causing me (and you!) to pay more at the register. Do the big food manufacturers figure out a way to bury extra charges for every transaction so that Little Miss Cheapskate can get away with a zero-balance grocery bill?

The whole business of extreme couponing is an ugly waste of time to me.

Food is a beautiful, enjoyable facet of life and I'd like to make shopping for it a somewhat celebratory affair. If I take too long at the store, I want it to be because I was ogling some beautiful cheeses or comparing the varieties of ripe tomatoes, NOT because I was sifting through coupons. Good, well-planned, well-prepared, wholesome food makes me feel like I am eating like royalty. Buy One/Get One Instant Mashed Potatoes remind me how far in life I have not gotten. If I go over my planned budget, I want it to be because I indulged in something special, not because I felt obligated to stock up on plastic wrap.

It's so sad to me. Food should be joyous.

There are so many more joyful (and more healthful) ways to save at the register besides extreme couponing. Incidently, they also take less of your free time than the 30+ hours per week that the extreme couponers say they must devote to their shopping method. To save (a lot!) you could: bake your own bread, make your own pasta sauce, plant a vegetable garden in your yard, plant a fruit tree in your yard, buy larger cuts of meat and portion them out for freezing, experiment with plant-based proteins in your diet, split a farmshare with a neighbor, learn to "doctor up" your leftovers, etc. etc.

Yes, it may take you some time to learn some new cooking techniques to experience grocery savings with the above-mentioned techniques. Keep in mind that your time spent learning cooking techniques in order to be frugal are lifelong skills that give some people real pleasure. I guess I have to grant that the time spent learning strategic spreadsheet skills in order to get an almost-unusable bulk quantity of near-junk-food for mere pennies may give some people some kind of pleasure, but I guess I'm not one of those people. And they couldn't pay me enough (in coupons!) to do it their way ever again.