Questioning the Authority of a Venerated Institution While Considering (big) Bottom

There is a restaurant in suburban Cleveland that is probably exactly the same age as I am. (That's a long time for a restaurant, and no comments from the peanut gallery, thank you very much). This place came into existence during the downward slide of the hippie heyday and is still popular with the hippie crowd, as well as families, healthy eaters, milkshake aficionados, and Cleveland East Siders.

I'm not in the restaurant review business, so I won't name names...but some readers will surely figure out which restaurant I am referring to through context clues.

The above-mentioned restaurant is considered by many to be pretty special. It has survived fires, floods, and riots. There is always a wait to get a table. It is an INSTITUTION.

Despite the fact that this institution gave me food poisoning back in the late 1980's with some out-of-date bleu cheese dressing, I brushed my food-borne suffering off to the admission that accidents happen to the best of us, and so have been willing to return to their hallowed halls.

In fact, have been there twice in the last week, mostly at the request of visiting out-of-towners who sorely miss this Cleveland institution. (I wonder if the servers think I'm a regular...?)

Though there is meat on the encyclopedic menu, "Institution Restaurante" specializes in egg and dairy-friendly vegetarian fare. Having been such an ovo-lacto vegetarian for a substantial chunk of my formative years, I look upon vegetarian entrees as a sort of comfort food. I know it's chic for some chefs to lambast vegetarians for their lack of adventure in culinary affairs, but I happen to have never met a vegetable I didn't like, so I'll gladly make a meal of them, even though I cannot count myself among the ranks of the vegetarian elite.

And I made a meal of some vegetables tonight. Actually, I selected a vegan entree. But the mix of brown rice, kale, broccoli, carrots, and mushrooms sounded so substantial without being an overly-heavy gut-buster, that I thought it would be right up my alley.

Well, kids... the entree was in my neighborhood, but it weren't up my alley. Uh unh. I slowed down and tasted, tried really hard to figure out why I didn't love what I thought, for certain, would hit the spot.

Now, I already knew that "Institution Restaurante" doesn't salt their food. This is another cardinal sin among chefly types, but whatever...I can get over it. Just give me a saltshaker at the table and I'll forgive you that you failed to release precious flavor via this magical mineral during the cooking process. I won't bother to tell them that the low-sodium health rules don't apply to folks whose adrenals tick like mine. It's really a waste of words when I can augment the situation table-side.

It wasn't the no-salt issue...so, what was wrong with my entree?? I tasted. I tasted again. I added hot sauce. I tasted again. Vinegar? Nope...

Oh. My. Sweet. Savior.

I figured it out...There was not even the tiniest mince of garlic in my dinner. Nor was there any onion or shallot. There was not a trace of depth to my meal!

As a music fan, I have come to realize the importance of bass within the underlying rhythm of a song, especially within popular or rhythm-and-blues styles. The old dudes call it "bottom". Bass, or bottom, rounds out a song. It makes it resonate full and round. Bottom can prevent a tune that should not be a thin aria from turning into a thin aria. BOTTOM IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I consider pungent elements like garlic, onion, and shallot to be "bottom" to the composition of my meal. Unless it's the light aria of a dessert or palate-cleansing course, I want it there, rounding everything out...making the flavor experience full. I can even deal with a delicate cook, who uses these elements judiciously for a subtle effect. Subtlety is fine, but please, for the love of all that is holy... GIVE ME SOME FLAVOR!

This shakes my faith in my fellow man. How can we have made this restaurant an institution while they snub their nose at an essential note in the flavor symphony? Is the ambiance in this casual joint really that great?? Are they resting on the laurels of a reputation for "healthful" cuisine...a fact which seems so important to our national health right now? Is location a more important factor in a restaurant's success than actual cuisine?

I am reminded of a quote that I will surely botch (and I cannot tell you who said it) but it was something along the lines of:

"Two things always look better in the movies: War and Institutions"

So, next time I'll rent the movie.

And enjoy my vegetables with a pungent garlic dip.