Life Beyond the Table: Railing Against the Foodies

I really appreciate good food. And I generally enjoy making it. And that's about it.

WHAT?!!! Is food not your passion?? Don't you define yourself as a foodie?! Don't you harvest your own fresh eggs from the urban chicken coop you keep behind your garage? Doesn't everyone at the farmers market/Williams-Sonoma/specialty butcher shop/etc. etc. know you by name? Don't you buy your ducks still un-plucked from back alley place because they are so much better that way?

Not exactly. You see, I just really appreciate good food. And I generally enjoy making it. And that's about it. Isn't that enough?

I watched what turned out to be a real "yawner" of a Julia Roberts movie last night: Eat, Pray, Love. The first part of the movie really focused on Roberts' character enjoying the culinary delicacies of Italy...ad nauseum. This food focus just felt gratuitous ("oh, you simply MUST celebrate the culinary heritage of Italians whenever you talk about Italy")and kind of pornographic, in the worst way. As I mentioned earlier, I really appreciate good food, but I do not need to have the camera pan in on Julia Roberts' mouth while she slurps in a too-big-mouthful of spaghetti pasta. I don't need to watch her tilt her head sensuously while she wraps her lips around a piece of soggy pizza. It's kind of gluttonous and gross.

Obviously, the director was trying to illustrate the primal enjoyment we get out of good food, but he absolutely just beat the viewer over the head with it. And the pleasures of the table really seems to be all anyone wants to talk about these days.

I agree that food is a pleasure. I agree that everyone should be aware of which elements constitute "good food" so we can all make more healthful meal choices and enhance our dining and living experience. After we recognize that food is a pleasure and that we should be making good choices, I think we should pipe down about it.

Honestly, foodies are kind of tedious. All they want to do is talk about the genius thing they made, or the genius chef they met, or the genius magic ingredient that peons like you cannot get at the regular grocery store. It's self aggrandizement: "My culinary pleasures are better than your culinary pleasures. Nyah nyah nyah-nyah nyaaaah!!"

So what am I really asking with this rant? I am imploring everybody to learn which foods are healthful and delicious for them to make and share with friends and family, and then just be quiet about it. Don't drone on about it or give us a graphic play-by-play of how you savored every creamy spoonful of that creme brulee.
Get a hobby. Help a kid. Walk a dog. Call a lonely friend. There's a lot to life beyond the table. So fuel yourself well at the table so you can energetically push back from the buffet and do more.

Don't selfishly consume like some low-rent Bacchus and then bore everyone to tears with the details. There is life beyond the table.