Thanksgiving Turkey: Try Everything

Roast your bird.
Toast your bird.
Brine your bird.
Baste your bird.
Dry-cure your bird.
Deep-fry your bird.
Stuff your bird.
Truss your bird.
Lard your bird.
Bard your bird.
Spatchcock your bird.
Roulade your bird.
Smoke your bird.
Oven-bag your bird.
Grill your bird.
Microwave your bird.
Pressure-cook your bird.
Crock Pot your bird.
Butter your bird.
Kabob your bird.
Beer-can your bird.
Rack your bird.
High heat your bird.
Slow and low your bird.
Frozen-cook your bird.
Turducken your bird.
Tofurkey your un-bird.
Mississipi Trash Bag your bird.
Jerk your bird.
BBQ your bird.
Bread and flour your bird.
Make reservations for your bird.
Pit-bury your bird.
Quarter and saute your bird.

OK...I'll stop with the many methods of cooking a Thanksgiving turkey (although it is likely I've missed a few). Everybody swears their method is the best. And once they've tried a strange-sounding alternative method, they swear even more vociferously that they will never go back to roasting the old fashioned way.

The truth is, every method can be really delicious. So please, please, please do not stress about whether or not you are doing it the right way. You are doing it the right way, whichever way you choose. In fact, why not try ALL the methods? I have tried a few of these methods but certainly not all of them. I think (I hope!) I have a few more Thanksgivings left in me so I can try some more techniques. I have formulated my own opinions, but you should do the same. Don't kowtow to the "experts". Keep in mind that two of the most highly-acclaimed and equally-esteemed chefs, Jacques Pepin and Julia Child, were always at odds on how to prepare the Thanksgiving bird over the years. Both chefs were incredible cooks and had good reasoning behind their recommended methods. Both chefs made an amazing feast, I am sure (even if they cooked their birds a little differently). These days, you have everyone from Martha Stewart to Ina Garten to Paula Deen telling you the "right" way to cook your holiday dinner. I say, if the experts cannot agree, there is nothing left to do but try everything and see what you think.

If it's your first bird, just try roasting it the good old fashioned way--in which you sprinkle some salt and pepper on the bird, throw it in the oven, and forget about it for a few hours while you make mashed potatoes and other sundries. You can follow any cookbook recipe or the directions that come on the wrapper of your poultry for this method. Those oven bags certainly seem to be big sellers...this seems like another solid method for a neophyte. If you've done a couple birds without incident, go ahead and work another idea from the list. And keep in mind, tradition-lovers, just because you cooked the poultry in a non-traditional manner does not by any stretch mean that it tastes any less traditionally delicious. Good is good, people, and that's all there is to it.

Try fresh poultry. Try frozen poultry. Try local. Try big farms. Yes, I did just say that out loud. Why am I not championing Old Heirloom Poultry Joe's at the corner of rural routes eleventy and oneteen?? Just like you good foodies out there, I also want Old Heirloom Poultry Joe to do well and I may support him too, but if we mindlessly follow the au courant trend to look down our noses at the big poultry vendors, we are forgetting the compelling point that if some of these companies make 90% of their annual profit from Thanksgiving turkeys, they are very sensitive to the fact that they had better deliver a perfect and perfectly safe product. That's not so hateful. But do make up your own mind after investigating every avenue. So...do try fresh. Try frozen. Try local. Try big. Try all the methods in that list. TRY EVERYTHING.

You'll never know what you are or are not missing until you've tried it.